When life gives you lemons – you make lemonade. Actually, when life gives you lemons – you make vodka tonics… but you add a slice of lemon in there too.
You’re quiet and reserved, but you also know you to make an awkward social gathering your own private fiesta. Most people know you as a soccer mom (or dad), complete with minivan, but its pretty much a façade. And though you’ve had some trouble with long term relationships, you can have a healthy fling once in a while to keep yourself feeling classy and sexy. When it comes down to it you’re just a hopeless romantic hoping to find someone to mold clay with. So bring that Big Gulp cup into the office, don’t cut back on the work naps, and always keep a babysitter on call… just in case.

You have a dog-like obedience to authority and a strong love of beets and Sith Lords. Loyal to a fault (to those worthy) you are turned on by Christian disciplinarians. You feel that health care optional, as you have great genes. If placed in a position of power you may turn slightly tyrannical. You look great in several different hair colors and lastly, are a great salesman.

You tend to put others around you ill at ease with your uncompromising standards and rigid morals. You have a tendency to appear uptight and judgmental, and usually clash with your co-workers. You are not afraid to use passive aggressive tactics to make others agree with your opinions or even invite you to their weddings. However it’s not all work and play. You like to have fun by playing with your forever-loyal feline friends, and reading inspirational quotes. You also enjoy Anne Geddes and other baby-inspired artwork. While you enjoy being controlling, you enjoy being controlled even more. Hence, you need a truly domineering partner in life. Your ideal partner is most likely an authority figure and probably reminds you of your father. Together, you are truly a spectacle to be witnessed. Any children you have will assuredly be well behaved. Don’t be afraid to open up around your partner and even get a little playful now and then. But make sure you go to church the next morning.

You are the predictable type that eats the same sandwich everyday, just because it's familiar & comfortable. You'd stay at a dead end job because of what "might" happen. You may be forced into a risky situation because you can't let your feelings that run deep go without taking that risk. A huge decision is coming your way that may involve romance, a job change, and some personal growth.

You enjoy the finer things in life: candles that smell like cookies, sexually suggestive comments directed at coworkers, foot baths, charities that have to do with animals or people, the smooth stylings of Sting and the Police, narc jokes and of course, the number 69. You are an expert at stuffing M&Ms in your mouth, an award winning bathroom user, a championship winning poker player and an aspiring musician. You’ve definitely got that teddy bear thing going for you and you have a hidden talent in your jump shot skills and your imitation of an Italian person. Oh yeah, and you also have a lot of filthy things on your computer at work. In fact, instead of taking this quiz, you should probably be deleting that stuff. (Because there is a lot of stuff).

You have the undeniable power to make others around you laugh. Others enjoy your company and genuinely like being your friend. You’re the “nice guy” but love pulling a joke on a friend occasionally. Others love having you as a friend and feel they can talk to you about anything. You’re comfortable in your everyday life but secretly seek better things for yourself.

(thank you, thank you, thank you for letting mine through a bit late)

Outsiders look at you through the cloudy lens of your somewhat disheveled appearance, though they rarely get a glimpse of the “real you” underneath. This “real you” is alternating layers of confused and misunderstood, years of therapy away from making it to the surface for all to see. In short, you are an enigma wrapped in a riddle inside a mystery. The spirits you drink don’t come close to drowning your true sorrows, but only further fill the pool of your own regret—a pool in which you would quickly float to the top if you would only reach for the loving support of those around you. Your children are your greatest accomplishment, yet any shortcomings they may have only remind you of your own, causing you to doubt your parenting skills. Lack of motivation and direction at work also account for your bleak outlook on life. A change in vocation or better leadership in your current job would go a long way to setting you on the path to self-fulfillment.

Like Kevin, you are a quiet, introverted person who delights in the mildly profane and immature. This tends to separate you from your peers, who've long outgrown your childish sense of humor and often scold you for it.

Despite this shortcoming, you are intelligent, hardworking, dependable, and musically inclined.

Stay away from:
Hotdog fingers
"Who Would You Do?"
Office restrooms

Things to persue:
Your jumpshot
MILFs
Italian accents

You spend alot of time at the local sports bar down the street with your buddies after work, trying to score free beer from your favorite waitress (her name is "Bunny", by the way). In your spare time, you like to think about all the strapping young boys that you and your girlfriend (Oops! And by girlfriend, we mean your fiance) will one day have. You think that your future will be filled with afternoons playing football out in the yard with the boys, going out to football games at the local community college with the boys, and watching NFL games on Mondays with the boys. You imagine what it will be like when they each hit 21 and you can finally take them out for their first (legal) beer!